Today on Coach Me Friend we are discussing why social media makes people feel lonely, when it’s supposed to be just the opposite.
Social media is a strange phenomenon. It’s meant to bring people together but curiously enough can make people feel left out and lonely. Why is this… and what can we do about it?
The funny thing about social media is that it’s kind of antisocial in real life. How so?
First, the actual mingling of minds with other humans is done through the wires…. or shall we say over the airways.
It’s virtual. So you could log on and talk to someone anywhere in the world and reach an understanding and connection with that person. But the irony is that you are not physically near them.
On the flip side, in the real world we can be physically near to other people, yet feel emotionally and mentally worlds apart from them.
(Probably because they’re too busy Facebooking to talk to us.)
That’s the first part of what makes social media so strange. But in addition to this, the social media connection can really be a missed connection. Why?
We log on with a need that we wish someone would fulfill. That need can be anything.
- We could be bored.
- We could be lonely.
- We could be missing loved ones.
- We could be in need of mental stimulation.
- We could be in need of purpose and direction.
So we visit our social media to see what everyone else is up to in their lives.
We scroll the feed. There, we find pictures of people we know. People from our high school. People we grew up with. People from our work.
We’re all connected, and yet that yearning feeling remains. We see those pictures that everyone is posting, and they look so shiny and happy like they’re having the time of their lives.
We are not in the pictures, perhaps. This makes us feel left out. We want to reach out to those happy, smiling faces… connect with the words people post on social media. But what happens?
Often, nothing. Then we begin to imagine it is purposeful.
Why is everyone else having such a great old time together, meanwhile I was excluded?
This might just be our own psyche getting the best of us. It’s possible that you weren’t invited because someone made a wrong assumption.
Maybe they figured you were busy. Maybe they tried to call you, but you missed the call.
The other ironic thing about connecting via computers, smartphones and the internet is that if the timing is off, two humans who generally like each other a whole lot can be like ships passing in the night.
You want someone to notice and acknowledge you right now. They aren’t there.
But earlier, when someone looked for you on Facebook, you were offline.
So it’s a whole timing thing.
Some people let social media do a number on their confidence. They permit doubt and negative thoughts to get the best of them.
Pretty soon they’re in a negative head space and downward spiral.
That person who had the weekend get-together and didn’t invite you, is now on your poop list. You don’t want to bother with them, because they didn’t bother with you.
But what would happen if we just acted from our authentic, giving hearts on social media?
One useful mindset to take is the attitude of a four or five year old on their best day.
Preschoolers are honest about what they think and feel. If they love you, they tell you. If they’re mad, they will say that… and then it’s over, and you’re sharing an ice cream.
This is a beautiful and liberating way to be.
Perhaps if we adopted the same attitude on social media, it would be a healthier, and more emotionally nourishing experience.
We could find connection instead of exclusion.
We wouldn’t worry so much about what others thought of us, or what others might be doing that we are not doing.
Instead, we would just boldly reach out! Reach out, and someone would respond!
Just keep on trying, and keep on smiling… and because of our faith, belief and willingness to see the best in others, we could bring that out in others… and form a loving bond.
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