Do you often feel alone despite having lots of friends and an active social calendar?
More people than you think are living lonely lives even though they’re out and about and interacting with others, many of whom they call friend.
Why would a person feel lonely surrounded by other people? There can be many reasons.
Surface relationships take up all of our time.
Consider the depth of contact that we share with other people. Sometimes relationships can be based on surface commonalities, but not much else.
Maybe you have a group of friends that you, say, go bike riding with, or do church activities with. These are interests that you share. Beyond this though, perhaps you have never delved into a deeper conversation with said friends. Relationships like this may not always be entirely satisfying.
Always busy.
Remember that feeling of just sitting together with people you have known forever and feel really comfortable with? Having the entire day stretched out before you to just chill, talk about whatever pops up in your mind, eat some food, have some laughs and just be yourself?
A scene like this is getting harder to come by. Why?
We insist on packing our calendars to the brim. How many times have you cut your time at an event short so you could slip off to something else on the same day? That doesn’t leave much time to have a soul searching conversation, does it?
Maybe you’re hanging out with the wrong friends.
Authentic friendship is based on shared interests, similar values, mutual respect, good feelings toward one another, good communication, enjoying spending time together, and an emotional connection.
But not every friendship is real in the way that we would like it to be.
Sometimes so-called friends persuade us to be involved in activities that we wouldn’t normally do.
Sometimes our friend group engages in behaviors that go against our core values.
- Maybe your group of friends sometimes participates in less-than-kind behaviors.
- Maybe imbibing an alcohol to excess is the focus when your friends get together, and this no longer fulfills you.
When these things happen often enough and we don’t speak up, we can start to feel separate from our friends.
Feeling lonely around friends may be a sign that it is time to make room for different people and deeper connections.
It is interesting to note that we can feel lonely at those times when we are outgrowing our core group of friends.
A final reason why we might feel lonely is that our life is out of balance. We might be working too much, or maybe we have a full load that includes work, schooling, and family responsibilities.
At the end of the literal day, did you have a moment to talk to someone? Did you get to share what you did today, what happened, what you thought about it and what your feelings were?
Lack of authentic sharing opportunities can definitely make us feel lonely.
The next time you start to feel lonely, consider reaching out to someone to talk about your feelings.
In today’s busy world, sometimes people are so caught up in their own lives that they don’t even notice that we might need some support.
If you have a trusted friend or family member that you can talk about your lonely feelings with, definitely reach out to them. It will make you feel better… and likely, much less lonely!
What if you don’t have anyone to confide your lonely feelings to?
You can also seek support from a therapist or counselor. This person can help you sort through your feelings so that you can make changes in your life that allow you to feel more connected and less lonely.
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